My Baby Feeding Story

Hey there!  Almost 8 weeks in to this journey we call parenthood and I'm still here!  I mean obviously some days its only barely.... but nevertheless, still here.

A disclaimer: As with any and all parenting decisions, how you feed your child is your decision.  I assume that every parent wants what is best for their child and their family and as long as you are feeding your child, no judgement from me.  I am simply sharing my experiences.

 I knew before having a child that I planned to exclusively breastfeed (EBF).  I had gotten some hand-me-down bottles/pumping stuff that I completely ignored and shoved in a closet while pregnant with Little Man.  At the insistence of Husband I had talked to my insurance about a breast pump, but honestly had no intention of ever actually getting one.  As far as I was concerned, I wouldn't be going back to work and I knew that in the long run, EBF was going to be the simplest and cheapest feeding option.  (Simple, cheap, efficient- all things I'm a fan of)

I thought I was prepared.  I had been told by numerous people that breastfeeding was hard impossible (as in, could not be done).  So I read the books, I took the class, I researched online and felt relatively prepared.  I knew that it might be painful but that it wouldn't be painful forever.  I knew that it would feel like the kid was attached to me constantly, but it would even out after a few weeks.  I knew that I couldn't be afraid to ask for help and that lactation consultants existed for a reason.  I made sure the pediatrician we chose had a lactation consultant on staff.  I knew the common mistakes that people often made that essentially jeopardized their own breastfeeding ability and was prepared to not make them myself.  I knew how important a "good latch" was, I knew what it looked like, and how to accomplish it.  I made sure my people knew how to "support" me as I BF and knew that this was something I found important, not just something I wanted to try.  And so I thought I was ready.

Little Man was born.  He latched and everything seemed good.  The next day the first lactation consultant saw us.  We saw a different lactation consultant the following day.  Two days later we had our first pediatrician appointment.  The next day we met with a private lactation consultant.  The following week we met with the pediatrician's lactation consultant. The next week we went back to the pediatrician.  Then back to the ped LC.  Also in there I spoke to 2 different LC on the phone.  Two weeks later we went to the ENT.  Four days after that (6 weeks after he was born) I officially quit breastfeeding. (If you count nurses there were at least 12 medical professionals we saw in that time span.)

So what happened?  Turns out I was not as prepared as I had thought. 

Short Story: Little Man had a minor posterior tongue tie.  This prevented him from nursing correctly and transferring milk.

What this means: I did nothing wrong.  My body did nothing wrong.  He did nothing wrong.  But until his tongue got the full range of motion AND he learned how to use it to nurse, I would not only be in pain each time he nursed, but (no matter how long he nursed for) he wasn't actually getting fed.

Now, I thought that I was prepared for the tongue tie thing.  I knew what it was and that often if there is a BF problem, its because of a tongue tie.  What I didn't know?  There are 2 types, anterior and posterior, and lots of people only check for the anterior one.  Which meant that while I was told several times he did not have a tongue tie (and I believed it) this was not true.

We could have continued trying to make BF work.  There are other specialists (who have great recommendations) we could have gone to and more money and time we could have spent to allow him to BF correctly. I ultimately decided that my sanity and mental health was more important than trying to BF.


At one point I was BF for an hour+ at a time and then he would immediately seem hungry again.  At another point I was told my milk "hadn't matured" (which btw I can find no evidence that that is possible).  At another point I was BF for 45-60 minutes and then supplementing with formula.  At another point I was BF for 30 minutes, pumping for 15, giving him a bottle of pumped milk, and then supplementing with formula if needed.  For the record, any of those scenarios is exausting when you are doing them 8+ times a day.  A feeding on average took an hour and even once we knew what the problem was (and started doing the last scenario listed while we waited for an appointment), if I was by myself, it could take 90 minutes.  There are people out there who can do that and will do whatever it takes.  I was not that person.

Instead, after a tongue clipping didn't immediately fix the problem, I had a massive meltdown.  I hated breastfeeding.  It was hard.  I was tired.  It was painful.  I was having to hunch over to try and help him relearn everything so my back and neck hurt too.  And it was the exact opposite of a "bonding experience" with my baby.  So I quit and it was incredibly freeing. 

I am now "bottle nursing" (isn't that a cute term?).  I am pumping exclusively and finally producing enough milk (and then some) that we don't need to supplement with formula.  If someone else is here, they can give him a bottle while I pump.  If not, I have streamlined the process so it only takes me 45 minutes (30 on a good day) to feed him and pump.

I know that this is the right decision for me and my baby.  A year from now I wouldn't be nursing any way so I saw no point in spending several more weeks (months?) trying to resolve the issue.  He won't know the difference any way!


Sidenote: While I wasn't blessed with an excellent nurser, I was blessed with a pretty easy going kid.  He had no trouble with "nipple confusion" and has no preference on bottle temperature.  Cutting out the step of "heating the bottle"?  Yes please!  Thanks kid!

Coming up: Some things I've learned about feeding a baby (that I didn't know before)