You Can't Go Home Again

Today I signed the resignation paperwork.

I no longer will be employed by the school system (or anyone for that matter) after next Tuesday. 

I went to the school today with the baby to say hello (goodbye?) and sign the paper.  It was so bittersweet.  It has been 10 weeks since I've seen those kids and a big part of me ached to go back in my classroom and just talk about what they're reading or bust out a lesson (on anything really).  But it isn't my classroom.  They aren't my students anymore.

I didn't have a PLC notebook to turn in or a positive phone log due today or a field trip to plan for.  That isn't my life any more.  I didn't even fit in with my coworkers.  They had work to do during their planning period.  I have a baby.

"Mrs. Blackmon!  Your baby is moving!"

"You're going to teach first period today, right?"

"Mrs. Blackmon! I finished After Ever After.  It was so good.  I'm so glad I finally got a copy of it."

"Mrs. Blackmon what's your baby's name?'
"I thought you had named him John, even though that isn't his name."
"Oh yeah!  I don't care what his real name is.  Hey John!"

"Mrs. Blackmon, I started Harry Potter finally.  It's amazing!  I'm on book 3, but I forgot it on the field trip yesterday and I was so mad!"

"We don't like our sub.  Can't you just come back?"

"Mrs. Blackmon do you want your book back?  Actually, I'm going to keep it because Ashley just started the series so she'll need to read it first."

"We miss you!"


I know what I'm doing is right and even ok.  But gosh, it hurts.

I was valued and respected there.  I was good at what I did.  I had the same classroom the whole time.  I was one of the two most experienced people on that hall.  And now, I'm just a visitor.  Something to ooh and ahh at but not really someone that knows the day-to-day news that they could talk to.

I had never really realized just how "home" it felt.  But it's one home I won't ever really be able to go back to again.