When you see a new mom...

When you see a new mom, please think about how you phrase things.

There are two questions that I often get:

1. "Is he a good baby?"
2. "It's just wonderful isn't it?"


1. How can you possibly answer that?  Are there "bad" babies?  He's a baby!  And he's my baby so I love him!  I just find that question so awkward.  

2. This question (and slight variations thereof) always sounds to me more like,

*

Now, if this person is not a parent I can excuse it a little more.  But most of the people who say it ARE parents. 

I'm sorry (maybe you have selective memory), but the first few weeks of becoming a parent is not always like this:

Source

I would say it is normally more like this:

Source

Some days are just really HARD.

It is an adjustment. 

Now I understand that babies are wonderful and everyone** loves babies.  But they cry y'all.  And you don't know why sometimes.  Or maybe they cry when you really want to sleep.  And so you're tired.  Like really tired.  Or maybe they have a hard time doing something that it seems like babies should naturally be able to do.

So when you ask the question like that, you aren't giving the new mom a choice.  It is almost a rhetorical question that undermines the flood of overwhelming emotions they might be feeling.  A much more caring question is "How is it going?" which at least gives them the option to respond negatively if they choose.  Or if you really want to be helpful, "I know this can be really hard.  What can I do to help?"


Last week on The View they were discussing postpartum depression and pregnancy depression.  It isn't something we like to normalize yet in our society, but we need to.  I can't imagine being a new mom suffering from postpartum depression being asked to relay how wonderful my life suddenly is. 

I also love what Whoopi says starting at 4:54 about needing your friends to look at you like you are still you.


Every moment of early parenthood may not be rainbows and butterflies (or rainbow unicorn kitten butterflies), but I do think that it is worth it.  And that it does get easier.  And you adjust.  And hopefully, if you are a new mom and you need to seek out help, you do. 

Just some food for thought on this Monday :)



*Comic Sans is a terrible font.  It grates on my nerves, as does this question.
**Babies freak some people out.  I have friends who have no desire to hold my baby because it freaks them out.  I get that.  I am that person too.  I will hold and love my own baby, but I'm not really keen on other people's.